in the face of God

I sit down to meditate,
close my eyes,
and my soul is sucked through a burning hole of light
between my brows
and into the hugeness of space

a quick memory of the room where I sit
flits across my mind
and then falls to the Earth below

the edges of my being are now defined
by a transparent line, sketched thinly
against the vastness,
which is somehow dark and full of light
at the same time

I swell and vibrate with an energy
that can only be love,
and my form is flexible and stretches out

I am standing in the face of God—
a force so terrifyingly large
that I fear I will burst and be annihilated

unseen internal hands grasp the skin of my being
and hold on tight, afraid

I deflate and shrink back into ordinariness—
a small human being again

I lie beneath my blankets

exhausted,
exhilarated,
but slightly defeated

curled up foetus-like in a ball,
my eyelids are lined with light

I giggle inside with joy

a child who,
for a fraction of time,
has sneaked into God’s garden
and returned home
safe again